


Finding Forever

by Mingyou17



Category: ENHYPEN (Band)
Genre: Best Friends, Canon Compliant, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Families of Choice, Found Family, Friendship, Gen, Hurt/Comfort, Loneliness, Trainee, Trust Issues
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-03-01
Updated: 2021-03-04
Packaged: 2021-03-13 20:48:44
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 3,314
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29781897
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Mingyou17/pseuds/Mingyou17
Summary: Goodbyes framed his youth and defined every friendship he'd ever had. He couldn't say he ever got over goodbyes but he certainly got used to them.An introspection about Jake finding the people who will be by his side forever.
Relationships: ENHYPEN Ensemble/Everyone, Kim Sunoo & Sim Jaeyun | Jake, Lee Heeseung & Sim Jaeyun | Jake, Nishimura Riki | Ni-Ki & Sim Jaeyun | Jake, Park Jongseong | Jay & Sim Jaeyun | Jake, Park Sunghoon & Sim Jaeyun | Jake, Sim Jaeyun | Jake & Yang Jungwon
Comments: 13
Kudos: 40





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Inspired by Sunoo's Curiosity Lab with Jake where he said that he kept up boundaries with people because he was used to people leaving until Enhypen was formed because it's been living in my head rent-free!

The airport had felt oddly unfamiliar the day that Jake packed up his life in Australia, gave up everything, and boarded a flight to Korea. His childhood was filled with trips to a place he truly resented, where he'd hug his father goodbye in floods of tears as he flew away once again to go back to work. Jake had hated airports and hated the goodbyes that came with them even more. Of course, his mother and brother also struggled, so when he went round to a friend's house and heard the offhand remarks his friends would make about their dads, Jake would hide the fact that he'd walk home blinking tears out of his eyes which would inevitably greet his pillow later that day. These goodbyes framed his youth and defined every friendship he'd ever had. He couldn't say he ever got over goodbyes but he certainly got used to them. 

When Jake first watched BTS perform at the BMAs, he felt like his entire world had shifted. He spent weeks searching performances on YouTube before solidifying in his mind that this was something that he wanted to do. He searched stories about trainee days from any group he could find and the one thing that made his body humm with anxiety were the stories about the friends trainees made along the way and the heartbreak that followed when one left for another company or to give up entirely. He heard about how teamwork would be emphasised and seriously questioned how he could ever even consider getting close to someone knowing that he or them could be gone the next day. Jake tried pushing the idea to the back of his mind but not much later found out about the global audition from BeLift Entertainment. There was a catch; the company stressed that it would be a lonely process since their upcoming elimination show hinged on the trainees not knowing one another, meaning that they would have to train separately. It was a unique idea and it struck Jake as the only company he would be able to survive in. So he auditioned, hearing the statistics about how many people he was up against and ready to hear no and to give up on his new dream. But he got in and was walking with his suitcase at his side and his family long behind him as he made his way to his gate not long after. To be the one leaving and not the one being left was strange and oddly comforting, despite the anguish he felt about going to a country he'd rarely been to, using a language that felt uncomfortable in his mouth and entering a system he was wholly unprepared for. He just needed to hold himself back and not get too attached to anything and maybe he'd survive. 

Training was hard and the culture shock of working all the time hit him just as hard. The language hurt his head and the criticisms spat at him from frustrated trainers haunted his thoughts. The company building was large but at times he felt like the only people there were him and the trainers, who were far too busy to talk to him outside of lessons. It was lonely and whenever Jake remembered how carefree his life could have been if he hadn't moved, he wondered why he'd made the decision he had. Sometimes he'd hear rushed whisperings down empty corridors and glimpse sightings of pairs of handsome young men, evidently trainees, desperate for social interaction and to figure out who was who. The part of Jake that missed talking to people and having friends and laughing, even smiling, wanted to approach them desperately but he held himself back, hid behind corners or walked passed them quickly. It had happened often enough that Jake had realised that he'd gathered a reputation for being the 'handsome Australian trainee' and knowing that people were curious about him made it even harder to hold back but he managed and remained an enigma, a rumour, a whisper. 

Before he knew it months had passed in a mindless, exhausting cycle of dance practice, vocal lessons, Korean classes and anything else that could be crammed into his day. Jake barely even knew what the date was anymore, living day to day by the alarms on his phone. It was hard to remember why he was there and what he was working hard for, though there in the back of his mind he knew it was for the elimination show. Then one day, two other boys were ushered into the room his practicing in by a stern looking member of staff. Introduced as Sunoo and Youngbin, Jake was informed that these were the trainees who he'd perform with in the first episode. However, they were not a team. Talking during practice was to be kept to a minimum and they weren't to meet outside of it and breaking these rules wouldn't be taken lightly. 

It was hard not to be curious when your world is expanded by two people, people with the same dreams and overflowing energy and the desire to talk to people their age like everyone else in the world could do but them. In the first few days, weeks even, they observed each other closely, not daring to break the firm rules set out before them. 

Sunoo hadn't trained for much longer longer Jake but Sunoo shone. His name wasn't among the urgent whispers between trainees in passing like Heeseung or Ni-ki but Sunoo was bright and charming and Jake only needed to spend a few moments in his presence to feel like this was someone that wouldn't remain on his level for much longer - Sunoo was bound to be a star. Quickly Jake recognised that Sunoo could easily be a large presence in his life and would leave a bigger hole when he left. After that judgment, Jake found himself subconsciously drifting towards Youngbin instead. They weren't allowed to talk much but Youngbin felt like someone who might be in Jake's circle for just a bit longer, and that was all Jake needed to initiate small whispered conversations when the trainers left or lock eyes when a teacher made a particularly scything remark towards the other. 

It wasn't all that Sunoo needed though, being younger and naturally wanting to talk to others. Jake felt guilty when he saw that Sunoo would get tired more quickly or have more days when he seemed downhearted but Jake knew that this would be a competition and he had to protect himself. That wasn't a decision entirely up to him though. As he left the company building after practice one evening, he heard the sound of quick footsteps and suddenly felt an arm hook around his. 

"Hyung, come eat with me, please?" Sunoo pouted, already leading Jake by the arm towards a slightly dilapidated looking restaurant just opposite the company buildings. 

"Sunoo... we're not allowed to." Jake muttered, trying to pull Sunoo to a stop but he could recognise his own insincerity. 

"Just this once!" Sunoo exclaimed, his eyes curving upwards as he smiled. Jake was certain that this was a boy who would only ever get what he wanted because how you could deny that face? Jake sighed and let himself be pulled along. 

"How are you finding it? It must be hard moving all by yourself." Sunoo questioned as they sat at their table, his face radiating sincerity and interest. 

"I'm okay, really." Jake said, putting on a smile that didn't fit him. Jake had long forgot what good or happy felt like, but okay or not great was something he'd become accustomed to. 

"Still, it's lonely." Sunoo continued. 

"It'll be easier this way, though." 

"How can this be easier?" Sunoo scoffed, seemingly amused and perplexed by Jake's perspective. 

"Well people will leave, isn't it easier to never have known them?" 

"Jake hyung, is that why you're so quiet with me? Do you think you're going to get rid of me so easily?" Sunoo began, wide-eyed, before breaking into laughter. 

"What? No! Sunoo you're going right to the top." Jake exclaimed. 

"Ha! What nonsense! Well if I do, I'll wait for you to come join me. We can do this together, I'm sure of it!" 

They continued chatting as they ate their food, about the parts of Crown they found the most difficult, the teachers they liked and disliked the most, about the gossip Sunoo had gained about the other trainees, but Jake found it hard to concentrate as the word 'together' continued to echo in his mind. 

Jake left the restaurant feeling more hopeful yet more full of dread than he had in months but if the lack of remorse he felt when they were scolded for breaking the rules was anything to go by, he didn't regret letting Sunoo come one step closer to him.


	2. Grounded

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jake thought that he'd found someone in Ni-Ki who he could understand and maybe could understand him aswell.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Inspired by Jake calling Ni-Ki cute everytime he breathes and also the training camp log where Ni-Ki said that he and Jake were especially close!

Entering I-land as part of the team of trainees who had trained for the shortest amount of time hadn't done much to allay Jake's worries. Group after group arrived, carrying themselves with a confidence that Jake couldn't imagine possessing. Sunoo scolded him jokingly for greeting everyone but Jake felt like if he didn't speak up now, these skilled people might never notice him. That urgency didn't translate into being confident enough to perform any earlier than last though and Jake felt immediately regretful that they didn't push to go earlier as the weight of there being no spots left weighed down heavily and visibly on the three of them. Despite his nerves, it passed by in a blur and Jake wasn't disappointed in his performance. He struggled to suppress his feelings of pride for his fellow teammates, yet as he waited with bated breath to see if any of the other trainees would raise their hands to vote for him, he hadn't expected for a moment to get in. All these people who Jake had essentially avoided for months and who knew very little about him watched him perform and objectively thought he'd done well; it was a thought that made his head pound and his palms sweat as the traitorous thought that he might just make it to the end crept into his head. 

The small gap between arriving, voting out the first four trainees, and starting to practice was painful for Jake. He didn't want to look uninterested but it was abundantly clear that though he only vaguely knew Youngbin, many of the others seemed well acquainted, even close, which only made Jake feel more distant and awkward. It was hard to share in the others' excitement when all he felt was alone and terrified of not meeting the expectations of the trainees who voted for him to be there. It was even more difficult now that Sunoo was gone. Bright and cheerful Sunoo who could calm Jake down and who Jake hadn't doubted when it came to skills, was gone and somehow Jake was still there and it only made him feel more insecure in his position. 

Expectedly it didn't take long for novelty to wear off and for things to start becoming tense once practice started. When the whispers began, Jake kept himself to himself as much as he could, not wanting ally himself with anyone or make enemies of anyone, though it was hard when the biggest critic was the only person that Jake really spoke to. He was slower at picking up the choreography than the others and though he hoped people would judge his final performance for what it was, he was certain his shortcomings in practices would last in people's minds. He poured himself into dancing, hardly sparing a second for idle conversation or for thoughts on how the atmosphere was turning bitter and toxic. It seemed like only minutes passed between everyone admiring each other's skills to critiquing each other's every move. The situation confused Jake; the concept of performing individually and being evaluated by someone in the same position as him was slightly uncomfortable and filled him with anxiety but he'd watched enough idol videos and elimination shows to know that this was what idols did and it seemed odd to question the ones who were doing it best. It was hard to ignore the way cliques began to form and the way Heeseung's shoulders went from straight and proud to curling in on himself as time passed but Jake left the comforting to those who knew Heeseung better. Friendships would only get him so far in voting, his skills were the most important so he kept his head down and his feet moving. 

When it was his turn to perform in front of the other trainees, he felt petrified like there was a giant sign above him pronouncing him as a newbie. The last thing he expected was for Ni-Ki to say that he hadn't just done well but that he'd done the best. Jake found it hard to make something of Ni-Ki, who went from young and playful to direct and assured, knowing that he'd already proven himself to the others, the second they entered the practice room. If anything, Jake found the younger slightly intimidating, perhaps even more so than Heeseung who at least carried himself with the slightest bit of uncertainty in himself, though not his skills. When the date was announced for the show Jake considered the feedback he'd been given and resigned himself to the fact that he wouldn't be in the position where he could think about being the best, hoping only to show improvement and for that to be enough. To be told otherwise was hard for him to believe, much less from the mouth of Ni-Ki who was undoubtedly the best in the room, but if it meant Jake continued practicing with his shoulders just a little bit further back and his head a little higher, what was the harm in savouring Ni-Ki's words? 

On the high of Ni-Ki's feedback, Jake allowed himself to entertain the slightest prospect of not being sent to Ground and maybe just maybe the judges would see what the younger trainee had saw. Of course, that would have been too easy and between his stage anxiety and his mic pack falling off, getting the lowest score was utterly embarrassing but not unexpected. It had been a wake up call for everyone; one wrong move, one wrong choice and it was all over. 

Jake didn't quite feel like himself as he said goodbye to the trainees that would remain at I-Land, shocked to see that despite how much he'd kept to himself, people did seem affected by him leaving. Jake shook his head and tried to knock that thought out. He was leaving and he wouldn't let himself dwell on anyone else until he returned. 

It was strange really, how the short walk from I-Land to Ground transformed them from dropouts deemed lesser than the other I-Landers to esteemed Grounders. As much as Jake was awarded a strange level of respect amongst those who hadn't yet left Ground, Jake couldn't really comfortably group himself with the likes of Jay and Ni-Ki. He could practically feel the rage and determination radiating off the pair but he felt oddly at peace and hoped to feel a little bit less out of his element. Ni-Ki was unquestionably talented and Jay carried himself with the confidence and assurance of a man who'd never been told no and didn't plan to start being told it now. But in the end Jake wanted to practice hard until his lungs gave out and he didn't need to know anything about the people in the room apart from where they'd be in the formation in relation to him. So when tensions yet again began to explode from Ni-Ki's frustrations and divisions started to form, Jake found himself unconsciously siding with his fellow ex-I-Landers. 

When things really boiled over, Daniel was the only one to really try to diffuse the situation, with Jay being absent and Jake feeling too uncertain and unfamiliar with anyone to try to step in. It was difficult because more and more Jake found himself not disagreeing with Ni-Ki but could see that the younger's delivery wasn't the best. Jake could recognise that Ni-Ki's frustration stemmed from something they had in common; the inability to communicate clearly. It was part of why Jake was so comfortable keeping quiet and not befriending anyone, the less he said the less could be misunderstood. 

Shortly after it had all kicked off, Jake had been fine-tuning some movements when he noticed that Ni-Ki was nowhere to be found amongst the few trainees practicing nor the ones resting at the table. Before taking a moment to question what he would say or wonder how it went against everything he'd been trying to achieve since arriving, Jake found himself opening the main door and scanning the area, not taking long to spot Ni-Ki sat on the floor outside. His head was resting against his folded knees and he looked like he wanted to curl into himself and disappear. Jake approached hesitantly before sitting down beside the younger boy, silently placing his hand upon his knee. Ni-Ki looked up slowly, cheeks slightly flushed and his eyes swollen though currently dry. He looked vaguely confused about seeing Jake beside him of all people, but overall relieved. 

"I just want... no, need to do well. I'm not trying to be difficult. I just can't speak, I can't-" Ni-Ki began after a large sigh, the initial harshness in his voice from frustration quickly breaking down as his voice quivered and his fists clenched. 

"I know, I get it. It's hard, isn't it? Being away from home, being here." Jake said as he wrapped his arm around Ni-Ki's shoulder in an attempt to avoid a breakdown. 

"I'm okay." Ni-Ki said firmly as if Jake couldn't feel the younger's body trembling beneath him. Jake was momentarily taken aback; out of all the trainees here Jake hadn't expected to relate to and find an affinity with Ni-Ki, the child talent whose reputation had preceeded him from day one. But as they sat there on the damp ground, Jake thought that he'd found someone who he could understand and maybe could understand him aswell. 

"You don't have to be all the time, it's tough and there's no shame in showing it." Jake said softly and it only took seconds for Ni-Ki's face to crumple, any facade of strength or indifference collapsing down. 

"What if I don't make it? What if I've ruined things already? It doesn't matter how well I can dance if people... don't like me." Ni-Ki seemed to struggle to get out his first few sentences but the last one he couldn't force out any more than a whisper. Jake felt his heart ache for the younger boy who was just a boy, young and lonely and wanting to be loved. 

"Just show them who you are and it'll work out... Maybe we both just need to do that." Jake said with a newfound confidence, his certainty being enough to draw a small smile out of Ni-Ki. 

"I don't even know who I am." Ni-Ki groaned, collapsing down into Jake's lap and seemingly more than happy to receive some pats on the head. 

"Well... You're just a cutie really, aren't you?" Jake said, grinning for what felt like the first time in forever, delighted to see a new side to the younger boy. 

"Jake hyung, I'm a serious performer." Ni-Ki pouted as he sat up, trying but failing to conceal the way the corners of his mouth wanting to curve up in a smile. 

"Cute. We'll be okay, me and you." Jake said, taking Ni-Ki's hand in his. 

No, there was nothing wrong with wanting to be by someone's side, Jake thought.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Jake x maknae line feeds my soul... Please kudos and comment! I think I'll be writing Jay next so if there's any I-Land moments with Jake that you love please let me know!

**Author's Note:**

> I hope you enjoyed it! Please leave kudos and comments! I want to do a chapter focusing on each member so if you think there's a moment I could include let me know!


End file.
